Stanislav Burgar

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Sadness and sorrow

by Stanislav Burgar, 2011

„You are totally hopeless,“ yelled mather of Karin, „you are beginning to take after father!“

Girl hid behind her red hair, in order to cover her streaming eyes. She is doing it all the time, every day. She was shouting at her everytime, she didn't make her bed, didn't buy what she should or just when she got a goose-egg.

„You cannot even answer me!? You are absolutly ineffective!“

What was she supposed to tell her? And should she say something at all? Is it still worth while? Whenever she was in this state she wasn't even listening to her  whatever she say would be wrong.

„Be off! I can't stand you. Rather go sit at your computer talking to your damned friends,“ finished mother vigorously.

She obeyed without any protest and went to her bedroom. As soon as she dropped the door handle and escaped from painful look of her mother, she felt enormously relieved. She wiped off her tears and sat on the chair. She signed on Facebook atomatically and thoughtlessly was looking at profiles of her friends. Everyone was smiling at her in the photos and they seemed so happy. She could not flee from the feeling of envy while she was reading the optimistic statuses. She was so ashamed so she decided to go sleep, when suddenly the red singpost caught her eyes. The friendship request.. Her heart was pounding. She checked through the offer immediately – some boy. David. She didn't know him but she accepted. Actually she wasn't thinking about refusing, she always accepts. Presently a chat massage appeared: „I guess you don't recognise me, but I saw you at the bus stop and I found you really nice.“

She was suprised, but then she couldn't resist the temptation of getting to know more about the stranger. After few courtesy phrases the last remains of nervousness left her. He seemed to be nice. She was able to write with him to the late night. It was so unbelievable how they could understand each other, he was always able to react in the right way. She felt he comprehended her, he earned her trust so that she had no problem  telling him everything. She didn't realise what she did until she switched the computer off. She confided to unknown person with her deepest problems, she was describing him the situation with her mother who can not even get up without drinking at least one shot of alcohol; she was telling him about her father who was beating the mother and how she has never understood why her mother is blaming her although she reported him to the police just because of her. So why does she hate her so much?

As usual she went to bed  crying, however, this time it was pleasant. Still she promised not to write him anymore - who knows what is he like?

But he was on her mind every minute the whole day, she could not concentrate, she felt like in a different world. It was so absurd –a person who does not know her is able to help her more than her closest friends. Now she was thinking about breaking her promise. She found out that it is not that easy how she thought. One more chat can not hurt anyone. It is only the internet. What could happen?

As soon as she came home she turned the computer on and was waiting until he will be online so that they can chat all the night. Every day it was the same, from innocent talking it turned to addiction. She didn't really care about her friends or schoolmates anymore, there was just he. She knew it is bad just like every addiction but it didn't matter for her. She was secretly hoping for a personal meeting, she didn't want to comunicate only with one photo on the Facebook.

And it really happened. She has strange feeling though she wished it with her whole heart. For the first time she was going to meet someone, someone she really liked. What if something gets wrong?

They lived in a small town where the news is spreading very quickly so Karin did not tell her mother about David. That is why they were supposed to meet in a neighbour town. She could not orientate there so she almost got lost but after while she found the right place. But what a surprise – there was a luxurious car instead of a boy. She did not see through the dark windows and she could not recognise the person who was hiding in the shadow.

Pleasant voice broke the silnce: „Karin, finally I see you again! Come, get in, I'll take us to my favourite cafe.“ Karin trusted him. Yes, it's him, her David. She did not hesitate and got into the car. It makes sense, they had to meet in this town because it was close to her home but his favourite restaurant is far away. Of course he wanted to get them lift to the place he knows and likes.

She slamed the door shut and fastened the seat belt, looked into the driving mirror to check if her hair didn't get tousled. She was so excited! She was sitting next to him in his car among his stuff which were important for him. She felt distraught so that she hesitated for a long time before she looked at him.

„So where are we going?“ she asked quietly and raise her eyes up to him..

In that moment the car suddenly accelerated and there was no coming back. She wasn't sitting in David's car, the driving wheel wasn't holding her beloved David.  She was just taken away by unknown person.

What happened? What's going on? She couldn't believe that. First she thought that David should come yet and he saw her for sure and now he is calling police. No doubt. Wait, the man called her Karin! Her heart was beating so fast, due to her fear her hands were sweating, she was loosing her mind.

„Who are you? Where are we going?“ screamed and then her voice got broken.

Stranger did't answer, he just started to laugh loudly and drove quickly from the town. He was bulky, midle-aged, he was getting bald. Karin broke forth into cry, she coulnd't escape from that. What is going to happen?


She doesn't feel anything now. She isn't able to feel sadness, she can't cry, can't even think. Just drops, their rumbling sound – that is all what she perceive. They seem to be louder and louder. Water stream has been pouring her for hours but still she knows she won't be really clean anymore. He is everywhere, again and again she feels his smell, his touches. She feel his intermittent breath on her neck. She hear her mother behind the door but she can't understand what is she saying. She knows it is over. Drops are so loud now that she has to cover her ears with all her strength. She starts to scream. She has been screaming as long as she was able to.

The punch exclaims and pieces of a razor blade fall down on the wet floor. As soon as blade get through the skin, she feel the electrifying wave in her body. Suddenly she feel free. Now she is doing what she wants to – no what other people force her to do. With every single cut the deeds of past are getting further. The smile appears on her face. Although what she has been through she has the sensation that she wins after all.

Last breath, last drop, last thought.

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